your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
