none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
