dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
