this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he was CRYING into my vagina
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
