So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
