Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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