Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
