My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
