I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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