I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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