Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
