I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
