he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
