I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
