remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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