I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
