I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The air was thick with penises
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
