Got a toothbrush?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
