I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
