So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am one with the molecules
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
