What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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