I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
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We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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