the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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