Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
