Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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