i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
