my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
