What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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