I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Randomize
