you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
