Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
