hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
