i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
