I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
