Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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