we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Damn victory sex feels great
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
