ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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