a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
