I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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