we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
