Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Small penises have feelings too.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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