i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
