Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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