Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
