happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
