trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
