he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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