I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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