she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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