What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
