So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
