I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
