My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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