she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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