She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
