Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
