doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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