I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Are my feet made of real feet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
