none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
