You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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