I'm really into asian looking animals
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
