i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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