I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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