Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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