I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
