Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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