All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
