HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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