Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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