Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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