Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
