used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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