just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
