I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
