just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
